Now it's time to really 'live strong', Lance...

Friday, January 18, 2013

Lance Armstrong was many things to me. 

First, he was the guy that was “not about the bike”, the man that had looked cancer in the eye and knew that death was knocking at his door and by the grace of God, was given a second chance.  He went back to the bike where he had been one of the best and attacked the greatest, most difficult sporting event on the planet, and won.  There was talk that the field he had beaten in his first Tour de France victory was not the strongest as two of the favorites were serving doping suspensions and not present.  They would be back the following year though, and they would should this brash, young American ‘miracle boy’ that winning the Tour would not be quite so easy with them in the race.  So, he came back the second year with fire in his eyes and a passionate determination to show the world it had not been a fluke.  And he won again…and I loved that guy and felt a pride like my own brother had just shown them all.

And he kept on winning and like the title of his second book stated, “made every second count”.  And I loved that guy, too.  There was talk of doping and cheating, but he kept passing drug tests and saying things like “what am I on?  I’m on the bike” and I watched videos and read about his insane training style and how he left nothing to chance…looking at every angle, testing improvements in his equipment, his riding position, the clothes he wore, the things he ate, the way he trained and the way he raced.  And I loved that guy, too, and it was easy to point to all those things and say “that’s why he’s the best there’s ever been” and I absolutely believed it.

And after seven straight Tour victories, I believed he’d established a record that would never be broken in my lifetime and that I’d always be able to say with pride that Lance would always be ‘the best’…and for sure I loved that guy.

But 2012 rolled around and more and more people were saying he cheated.  People like his teammates…people who would know.  When someone asked me what I thought, I’d say, “he passed every drug test he ever took and he said he didn’t do it and that’s good enough for me.”  And it was until George Hincapie, the rider that was his closest companion on the bike since he was 16, the only man to ride with him in each of his seven Tour victories, admitted to the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) that he’d used drugs and so had Lance, that I began to have serious doubts.

And then he went on the air with Oprah and she started out by asking him point-blank, yes or no questions like “did you use EPO” and “were you doping in all seven of your Tour de France victories” and he said that one word that I so didn’t want to hear and when he said it anyway, I felt a knife stab in my gut that twisted and turned with every “yes” he uttered.

From that point on, I heard but I wasn’t always listening.  I mean, whoever this guy was with Oprah and whatever he was saying was all-wrong!  It absolutely could not be about my hero…the guy who had concurred cancer…who had held so many thousands of cancer victims deal with their illness…who had written books I tried to live by…who had trained beyond madness to beat all the odds and win the Tour de France seven…freaking…times!!  There was no…freaking…way!!

I watched the remainder of that show and returned the following night for ‘part two’ and more pain and suffering and then talked it out with other people who care like I do and thought and pondered what it all meant…to me.  And I asked myself that really important question…what’s the big deal…really?  Because, let’s be honest.  I don’t even know that guy and he doesn’t know me.  He wasn’t trying to hurt me and I haven’t lost any credibility, money, fame or friends because of it.  All that’s true and in my head I know it…but in my heart, it hurts.  A lot.

Ten years ago, when he’d already won the Tour three times and I already had that serious ‘man crush’ thing working, I was with my church youth group in Boston and walked past a shop window that was displaying the ‘Livestrong’ wrist bands.  I went inside and bought one for everyone in the group and after a little talk about Lance, what he meant to me and to so many people around the world battling cancer, I gave them each one.  I put one on my own wrist and said I’d never take it off until he lost the Tour.  I’m still wearing that same yellow band, but over the past couple of days I’ve asked myself why and had every intention of cutting it off.  Something though kept me from doing that and I’m glad it did.  

Oprah ended her interview with Lance by asking the question, “what is the moral of this story?”  Lance struggled with his answer…I think he has too many issues to deal with to be able to yet sum it up, but Oprah offered a suggestion and it was “the truth will set you free.”  I didn’t see that then and I don’t see it now, but as I pondered the question, I believe I reached my own moral and decided that I will continue to wear that ‘Livestrong’ band as long as I live and here’s why.

I have to say as many others have, that I can understand and overlook/forgive…though he doesn’t need my forgiveness…the blood doping and drug use.  I believe that he truly felt all his competitors were doing and using the same methods to beat him and that the only chance he had to level the playing field was to use them, too.  I’m not condoning cheating…nor is he at this point, but I understand nonetheless.  I can even understand lying to cover it up afterwards…he’d gone too high, the story was too big, and it had all gone  too far to let it all come undone…but I cannot overlook the way he treated and attacked people who were unwilling to cover for him and were telling the truth about his cheating.  He says he knows how wrong that was and that he intends to spend the rest of his life trying to right that wrong…and I believe him.

I remember well a lesson from the bible when Jesus says to a crowd that had gathered to stone a woman to death, “the one amongst you who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”  I remember it, but I don’t always live it.  I tend to lose sight of the fact that I have secrets, too, that I’ve done things I’m not proud of; things I knew were wrong and I’m guessing I’ll do some more before it’s all said and done.  And I suppose the measure of a man is not whether or not he’s ever done anything wrong, but what he does to make amends after he’s screwed up.  Yes…I’ll continue to wear that band because it…and Lance…will continue to inspire me to try to be a better human being.

I know you’ll never see these words, Lance, but I would like you to know that you will be in my prayers as you walk the rocky, rutted path I think you’re walking now in an effort to make things right.  I thought once you were something other than human, but you’re not.  You’re just like me and you can make mistakes and you can deal with the consequences…honorably…too.  I hope the best for you on this journey for it is the journey of life that we all must take.  It is a journey that is all the better when we have such trying challenges to face because, in the end, they give us the chance to make ourselves better people and to truly ‘live strong’.

Hike duration: 60 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  80 bpm.

Calories burned during workout: 350.

Protect your privates, guys...

Thursday, January 17, 2013

It was slightly colder than it had been the day before…which was already too cold to ride…but I really wanted to ride.  I felt like I could ask myself maybe for the last time ‘what would Lance do?’ and I knew the answer was ‘he’d ride.’  I suited up.

I was cold early on, but it didn’t take long for my body to warm.  The problem of course are the hands and feet.  I’d decided to go a little longer than the day before and by the end of the ride I was paying for that decision.  Both my hands and toes were getting cold as I climbed the last hill out of the park and turned into the wind for the final three miles to the house.  As I rode, I thought about Lance Armstrong and the interview with Oprah that I was going to see with John.  I’d already had my initial reaction to the news that he would be confessing to doping, but I’d yet to hear it from his lips and so, for at least a little longer, I could pretend he’d been the greatest cyclist that ever lived.  And regardless of drug use, I knew I could still respect his training regimen.  I really was out riding in conditions that were quite uncomfortable because I knew he would train in worse and for much, much longer. 

When I finally rolled up to the garage door, I could hardly feel my toes.  I’d been out for 95 minutes…about 15 longer than I should have.  I hung the bike and went inside to strip out of my gear…much of which was wet from my sweating.  It was then that I started noticing some disconcerting pain.

If you have ever watched older clips of the Tour de France during mountain stages, you would have spotted an unusual, but critical event towards the top of some of the alpine peaks.  Riders would reach these summits sweating and then begin descents that would take them to speeds in excess of 60 mph.  And since they were at 8,000 feet or higher, it would be cold.  Fans standing along the route would be handing the cyclists newspapers so they would have something to stick in the front of their cycling shorts to protect a part of their anatomy that, at those tremendous downhill speeds, would be susceptible to mild to severe frostbite.  On my ride, there were no fans and there was no newspaper down the front of my shorts…and now there was pain.  I headed for the shower and the healing power of warm water.  For the record, I will wear more protection in future cold weather rides.

I went to John’s to watch the Lance interview and was surprised to find that it was a two-part showing with the conclusion being aired the following night.  I will say that I was disappointed in Lance’s demeanor though I don’t think he got to the really hard questions during this show; that will come tomorrow.  I will say that I thought he was very controlled in all that he said.  It seemed that each word he uttered was thought out for the implications they could lead to later.  He seemed very cautious…and not contrite.  I think I'll wait to say much more; to see if the conclusion of the interview will change my impression.  I've been wearing my 'Livestrong' yellow band to honor his achievements for almost ten years now.  I really don't want to take it off, Lance, so please...help me.

Bike duration: 95 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  120 bpm.

Calories burned during workout:  1300.

A call from 'Alaska Paul'

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

My phone began to vibrate and when I looked at the name, I saw it was ‘Alaska Paul’.  I knew what it would be about.

“Hey John…looks like our buddy really crashed and burned this time,” he said.

Like Lance, Paul is a cancer survivor and an avid cyclist.  Unlike most people though, Paul marches to a set of values that would never allow him to hurt another human being regardless of the discomfort or inconvenience it may cause him.  He is a simple man to whom fortune and recognition means nothing and friendship is everything.  He is a person worth emulating.

“I’m waiting to see what he has to say on Thursday, but I suspect it will make me pretty sad,” I said.

We talked for awhile about what may have motivated Lance to do what he did and then switched gears into what he’s been doing in his world travels since last we met.

“I nearly got myself killed this time,” he said and described a near fatal kayaking incident he suffered through while paddling in one of the inlets off Prince William Sound, Alaska.

“We were a little disoriented and surrounded by ice, but paddling through to what we thought would be an opening to the next inlet.  Suddenly, we’re totally enclosed by ice and it’s pushing us up against the sheer side of an iceberg.  My kayak was at a 45 degree angle and I was about to fall out.  We worked together though and managed to stay in the boats, but had to call in the Coast Guard for a chopper pick-up.  We were going to have to abandon the boats…but then the ice opened up a little and we were able to battle our way through to open water…just as the chopper appeared overhead,” he said.

“How long could you have lasted in the water?” I asked, knowing he’d have been wearing a dry suit for just such a calamity.

“Maybe 15 minutes.  I was sure my goose was cooked.  Next time I’m taking a GPS.  I’m tired of being nervous about my navigational skills,” he concluded.

He’s kayaked all over the world and been in many tight spots before, but said this was the worst.  Still, I want to make my way to Alaska soon and spend a month or two hiking in Denali National Park, kayaking the arctic waters and camping on the Alaskan tundra with Grizzlies…and Alaska Paul.

I made it home with enough daylight to ride if I hurried the tire change I needed to do on UB.  It was about 35 degrees as I mounted the bike.  I’d outfitted myself as best I could for a ride with strong winds and a chill factor that would make it seem like…oh…two.  And it worked out well.  I rode the final ten minutes in darkness and with toes that felt brittle, but it was worth every minute.  I couldn’t help but think about Lance as I rode.  I’ve watched so much footage of him riding and have memorized that face full of determination and effort as he pushed himself to concur all comers.  It inspired me again as I rode through the discomfort.  Tomorrow’s the day, Lance, and until I hear it from you, I’ll continue to hold your achievements in a special place in my head and my heart. 

Bike duration: 80 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  120 bpm.

Calories burned during workout: 1025.

So close...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

A dear friend called me yesterday to see how I was doing with the news about Lance.  He has been going through a living hell as the result of a back injury he incurred last March and was visiting a doctor at the Clinic, but took the time to put aside thoughts of his troubles to ring me up.  He’s a special friend and the person responsible for getting me back into the woods.  I owe him a lot and I intend to deliver when he gets a clean bill of health and can do some exercise again.  I know he would benefit from time on the bike, kayak and a walk in the Adirondack woods.  Who wouldn’t?  Thanks, Henry.

During our conversation, he mentioned that he’s been reading the blog and was worried about the different tribulations I’ve been experiencing.

“You’re the Rock of Gibraltar.  You’re not supposed to get hurt,” he said.

I wish that were true, but as I wrote yesterday, we all get hurt and deal with soreness and pain if we’re doing something.  It beats the hell out of the aches, pains, and medical issues we’ll suffer if we do nothing.

I went to the park with the intention of seeing how much of the Survival Workout I could do with those aches and troubles.  I started with the inverse push-ups and when I passed 50, I started thinking seriously about 100.  Often times pr’s are set when the body has been trained hard and then gets a rest.  Well…I’d had a week off and was thinking that as I approached 90 reps.  At 95, I was moving slowly.  With my 97^th, I set a new pr and as I struggled through 99, I knew it would be close.  I lowered my nose to the ground and pushed on trembling arms.  As I inched up, I knew I was in trouble.  I needed to lock out my elbows to, in my mind, to reach 100.  I held and struggled to complete that last inch of movement necessary to accomplish the task and then…I fell.

So…99.9…but not 100.  I managed to do the rest of the workout without pain in the rib cage and certainly felt good about my efforts.  I know I’ll hit 100 some day soon and then I’ll need a new challenge so what’s the hurry?  Yes…I’ve still got pain and yes...I'm still loving working out.

Survival Workout:  60 minutes

Training Heart Rate:  100-150 bpm.

Calories burned:  600

Ouch...again.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I had a nice plan for a double.  I went to the park for a 30-minute run, which I intended to back up with an hour on the trainer.  I’d been thinking about riding outside, but temps in the low 30’s and frozen toes discouraged that notion.  I leaned into the car to do a calf stretch…something I rarely do before running…and held it for about three minutes.  My calves were extremely tight and the stretch felt good, but they just never seemed to loosen up.

I headed into the run stiff-legged.  I could feel the pain in my left achilles…that was nothing new…but my right was hurting a little higher and into the lower calf.  I’d been running about 17 minutes when I felt it pop.

Oh…the joys of being me when trying to work out.  And yet, am I so different?  I watched playoff football over the weekend and am amazed at the grace and athleticism of these highly trained and skilled professional athletes.  They look effortless in their movements, fluid and without pain.  But who am I kidding?  Every player on every team is hurting…or will be at the game’s conclusion.  The one’s seriously injured are on the sidelines…the rest are in the game and living with some pain and discomfort because that’s what they do. 

So…although something seems to hurt on every workout, I continue on.  When I consider the alternative, there really is no choice for me.  The less you do, the less you can do.  I won’t have that.  I walked for about ten minutes then began a slow jog back to the car.  I was outside, moving and sweating.  Life really is good…it hurts some…but it’s good.

Run duration:  25 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  130 bpm.

Calories burned:  375.

Hike and bike...

Sunday, January 13, 2013

It was still unseasonably warm and Heidi was home and had suggested a trip in the kayaks.  That worked for me, but when she came outside and saw the clouds threatening rain, decided a hike in the park might be safer.  She was probably right, but I’d have risked the kayaking.  Still…the park is good and Dakota could use the exercise, as well.

I placed a warm bucket of water and a rag in the trunk for the clean-up we’d need to do on Dakota before she could re-enter the car after the hike and headed out.  It was extremely muddy, so I steered Heidi off-trail and onto my marsh circum-navigation hike.  At first she thought I was trying to make the hike more difficult, but when my trail merged back onto a hiking trail with two inches of mud on it, she understood. 

It was easier without the snow, but we still managed a decent workout over the next 70 minutes.  Dakota was a filthy mess when we returned to the car, but the warm water did a decent job of making her presentable.  We returned home with about two hours until dinner and skies still threatening.  I considered riding the bike and the chances of rain weighed against a return to the trainer with plummeting temperatures scheduled for tomorrow…and decided to ride.

The thermometer had dropped to the forties, but I still figured it was warm enough to forgo gloves and a hat.  I was mostly right as I headed out, but the temperature continued to drop over the course of the 90-minute ride.  Then… a flat.

I don’t mind changing flats…I’m kinda like the father in ‘A Christmas Story’ acting like I’m in the Tour de France and need every second to get back on the bike and in the race.  I was on UB Express though and didn’t know how easily the rubber would come off.  I was carrying a spare tube, a pump, and a cell phone.  Holly was in the middle of preparing dinner and calling her to pick me up could be risky.  The tire was not completely flat so I opted for pumping it up and seeing how far I could ride.  I was about 40 minutes from home and knew it wouldn’t make it that long, but if I made it ten minutes between pumps, it was doable.

I actually made it 15 before having to stop again.  The next was ten minutes and then eight, but I could smell the finish and rolled in the driveway almost completely deflated…and with ten minutes to spare until dinner.

I’m happy I made the trip.  I rode strongly and love UB.  I can see big rides this spring as I prepare for ‘Tour Ohio’ and believe UB may be the bike for the trip.  I’ll have to see if I can outfit it with panniers, but I feel very comfortable on it and would like to go with a road bike verses a hybrid if possible.

And yes…I know that Lance has conducted an interview with Oprah and that it likely wasn’t to tell her what a good guy he is that he was always riding clean.  I will not lie.  Tears formed at the corners of my eyes as I considered the implications.  I’ll watch the show on Thursday and hear what the man has to say.  Time and again I’ve defended him in this blog.  Yes…I admired his accomplishments, the way he trained and the obstacles he overcame to become the greatest cyclist the world had ever seen.  He was my one and only athletic hero…the first since Muhammad Ali.  I suppose I’ll have more to say in the Friday edition.

Hike duration:  70 minutes.  Bike duration:  90 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  80 for the hike and 120 bpm on the bike.

Calories burned during workout: 350 for the hike and 1275 on the bike.

Riding outside and oriental grasses...

Saturday, January 12, 2013

I’d been reading the weather reports for the past two days that had forecasted temperatures in the fifties over the weekend.  I’d determined that, regardless of rain, I would be riding if it was that warm.  I walked outside to grab the paper first thing in the morning and knew instantly I’d be riding.  The roads were moist from overnight precipitation, but I had some chores to do around the yard and house that could easily take me to noon by which time, with some luck, they would be dry. 

We have oriental grasses all around our yard.  They started out as wee little things several years ago, but as they grew and expanded, Holly instructed my to half and quarter them, transplanting the pieces parts around the yard so that the four plants we’d started with were now around twenty.  She likes them…which pretty much means I like them…but after a summer of growing like…well…weeds, they stand about six feet tall and turn into amber-colored stalks which have to be cut down and bundled up.  Holly won’t let me do this until after Thanksgiving since she likes to see them all brown and dead and then uses cuttings for her Thanksgiving decorations.  I figured I had a little time to whack them down after bird day, but I procrastinated and then five feet of snow fell on them.

Anyway…the snow was gone…the grasses were smashed to the ground…and I had to cut and bundle them and get them to the curb.  It took a couple of hours and lots of sweat, but that was okay because it was making for a good warm-up for my ride.

I hadn’t been on ‘UB Express’ since the snow had fallen and I still hadn’t transferred my saddle bag, water cages and tire pump from ‘Big Red’.  I spent thirty minutes preparing the bike and by 12:30 was ready to ride.  Though not a drop of rain had fallen, the roads were still covered in a fine mist of water.  Not perfect road conditions, but it was in the low sixties in January and I wasn’t complaining.  I headed out with the intention of riding at least two hours.

I pretty much had the roads to myself.  I suppose most cyclists have their bikes loaded away for the winter and with snow still melting onto the roads, I could understand that sentiment.  Fortunately, I’ve overcome that mentality and will take any opportunity to ride outside.  I had two large water bottles in my cages and consumed almost all of it before the ride was completed…it was that warm.  I was slightly out of shape for the climbs after spending the last five weeks inside on a trainer, but I felt I did well and rode hard throughout.

Tomorrow is supposed to be warm though heavy rains are predicted.  Should they hold off though, I’ll be ready for another long, January ride. 

Bike duration:  Two hours and 10 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  120 bpm.

Calories burned during workout:  1825.