We discussed abortion, gun control, transgender issues, and the alpha male mentality of the Army, but more importantly the necessity to listen to what another person is saying instead of trying to prepare what you are going to say as soon as they stop speaking.
“You have to hear their argument and what they’re trying to communicate – or get a clarification. And do it agreeably, which is the biggest challenge,” I said.
He agreed – and, knowing from personal experience, puts it into practice. He has a deep, inquisitive, and probing mind with the important ability to reflect on what he has heard and learned and then change his position. I know from living my life how difficult that can be.
“I’m taking this test with Jordan Peterson, a psychologist. It’s all about identifying your deficiencies, and writing about what you’d do differently in a situation if you could eliminate them,” he said.
I may not have that entirely correct, but shared with him how much of that I’d done when the most catastrophic event of my life…losing his mom…was playing out. Though difficult to accept, I reflected on all that I had done and didn’t do that led her to want to dissolve our marriage of forty years. To that point, I had thought I was pretty clever and a good and loving husband, but ignored so much of what I was doing to push her away. There were many improvements I should have made and maybe would have if I’d had the chance with her, but she was done and so those improvements, if I’m making them, will serve me in future relationships.
“It’s hard to look in the mirror and admit you’re wrong or that you have a character flaw that you can improve. You’re following a structured program to do something about it early on. I tend to do that as I walk alone in the woods or on isolated camping trips,” I said.
And I do. What I have to be careful about is my tendency to beat myself up mentally, concluding that I’m a louse overall. It can spiral down instead of creating an awareness that leads to self-improvement and particularly when going through a gut-wrenching, life changing event like a divorce from someone you truly love.
Oh yeah. Exercise. The rains continue to fall. It was swampy when I arrived home to a light drizzle. Cool, too, with the temperature dipping back down to a more seasonal low thirties. I grabbed my umbrella and called to Dakota. She was anxious to hike and didn’t really care about the rain.
We went five miles and with the steps and activities I’d put in at the farm, felt reasonably accomplished for the day. The rains are supposed to continue for the next several days and with my biking mojo in full swing, I may need to hop on the trainer to satisfy that itch.
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