Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Selfish thoughts...

Tuesday, September 26, 2017
I didn’t work out over the weekend, though I did plenty of work.  I painted the side of Mimi’s garage, which gets a ton of sun throughout the day and leads to cracking and blistering paint.  It was too hot for such work, so I started early both days and finished up before noon.  Somehow, I managed to rake together a full tarp of leaves and haul them to the woods…a true workout when they get heavy in a couple of weeks.

Monday and Tuesday remained unseasonably hot as record high temperatures in the 90’s continued.  I had to finish my roof project, and did on Tuesday.  I sweat through my clothing to the point where it looked as though I’d fallen in our pond.  I had a headache and couldn’t stop sweating for an hour after and decided what I needed was to go home and hang out in an air-conditioned house.  That lasted about an hour.

I sent a message to Miggie telling her I would walk to Peninsula – a little over an hour away on the Towpath – and meet her at Fisher’s.  It was rib night and like any smart, older person, I was always hunting the deals for food.  An hour is a long time to hike alone and for me becomes a time to go deep into my head and think of the tougher things I face.  One such topic was retirement.

I will admit I consider this constantly.  I think the only thing holding me back is the uncertainty of my finances once I have.  Sure – I will have a check coming from the Social Security office and yes, I have pension money.  I think I have a handle on how much it will cost me to live in Peninsula, but I still have equity tied up in my former home and won’t have access to that until Jason gets traditional financing on it and I have the equity to invest.  There is also the question of health care and this is the biggest concern.  The last thing I want is to run out of money someday because of illness and need help from my kids.  For now, I’ll keep working and doing side jobs.  I know I can continue the side jobs after retiring, as well.

But how about what I’m SUPPOSED to do in retirement.  I want to hike, bike, kayak and travel across the continent.  I want to see all the great parks in North America and ride many of the rail to trail byways.  I want to do all these things for ME and that seems selfish.  I’ve worked hard my whole life and run the race giving it my best effort.  Won’t I just be cruising to the life’s finish line if I’m not working or doing something important to help others?  I thought about this as I walked, looking down through the trees to the waters of the Cuyahoga River flowing a short distance away.  I watched that river, the flow of water around rocks and the eddies and wondered about the course I would choose to run it.  And this train of thought continued alongside the selfishness.  I’m guessing I will strike a balance…do things I’ve always wanted to do and find something that gives me a sense of fulfilling a duty to those around me…to helping those who cannot enjoy the things I would like to do or to even have the time to ponder such things for the miseries life may have visited upon them.  Yes…balance.  I continued the hike.
Hike: 70 minutes.
Training Heart Rate:  80 bpm.
Calories burned: 500.
Bonus: 20,300 steps.

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