What is this feeling?

Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Though I haven’t posted anything in two weeks, I have been working out and writing about it…in my head.

Some other things have been crashing against the insides of my skull lately and I don’t want to blame that for not writing, but maybe.  It started two weeks ago on Thursday night…the night the Indians won the first game of the divisional playoffs against the Yankees, 4-0.  Savannah and I were in attendance, frustrated but happy at the outcome.  It could have easily been 8-0 for the missed opportunities.  The next night Justin and I drove to the Adirondacks listening to Tom Hamilton call the game from my car radio well into the mountains of upstate New York.  This may not seem like a big deal except that we could not pick up our local station to hear him sixty miles outside of Cleveland in Pa.  The Indians were playing lackluster ball again and down 8-3 with our ace, Cory Kluber, having been shelled for six runs, before they staged a late-inning comeback to win in 13 innings.  A week later, Savannah called about the fifth and final game of the series to be played that night in Cleveland.

“If I buy you a ticket, will you go with me?” she asked.

I’d already jinxed the Indians beyond recognition by telling her if they made it to the World Series I would buy her a ticket.  If you know anything about me, you know that I believe completely in my ability to negatively affect the outcome of any Cleveland sporting team, and particularly the Indians, by making such statements.  I really didn’t want to go as I was having terrible misgivings, but how do you say ‘no’ to your daughter – the one in whom you’ve instilled the kind of fanaticism now on display?

“Of course I’ll go.  I was saving money for that World Series ticket,” I said.  I always put on the positive, brave face for the Tribe.

We went, they kind of played, we lost.  Depression.  And relief.

I will admit that last year’s team and it’s run to extra innings in Game 7 of the World Series against the Cubs was one of the most emotionally draining experiences of my life…maybe the most since I did sit through games 6 and 7 in Miami in 1997 with my cousin, Donnie, and watch them lose that one in the 11^th inning of the seventh game, blowing a ninth inning, one-run lead.

For this season, the stress is over.  But it will be back and I will suffer again.  ‘Why?’ I have asked myself over and again.  The cliché ‘it’s only a game’ comes to mind first.  The fact (okay…maybe not a ‘fact’) that I have NO impact on the outcome is second.  How about we have Tito Francona calling the shots as manager and he’s like the best manager in the history of managers and I don’t have to second-guess anything?  But they do crawl into my skin and they do share my body and their actions do affect my emotions to a point where I’m actually shedding tears thinking about what might be if they win…and then when they don’t.  I will admit that I actually closed my eyes and tried to send some mental energy, as though I could, to the mound between pitches so that Cory Kluber would have that little something extra to help him retire the next Yankee hitter.  It didn’t work…but I REALLY thought it could.  What is wrong with that?  Where does it come from?  Am I alone?  And most importantly, will it always be that way?

So life marches on in spite of the Indians defeat.  Justin and I did some serious hiking in the Adirondacks.  I returned and continued to hike and work out including a day of the Survival Workout.  More importantly I think, I began serious research into hiking one of America’s Triple Crowns of trails – the Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, or the Continental Divide Trail.  I am definitely leaning towards the PCT.

I was crippled up by gout in my big toe on my right foot last Friday and have been struggling with it ever since.  It was healing by Monday so I thought a long hike was a good idea even though it was sore 400 yards into the hike.  I went three miles anyway and you can guess the outcome.

The playoffs continue and the Evil Empire Yankees lead Houston…another team that was supposed to handle them…3 games to 2.  Sounds a lot like my Tribe a year ago.  There’s always next year and I know I will remain a loyal, maniacal fan so long as I draw breath.  Go Tribe.