A little over a week ago, a woman I have been seeing for three years let me know that she no longer sees any point since she will never feel strongly enough about me to want to spend the rest of our lives together. “You’ve been better to me than anyone ever has in my life and I love you. You deserve better than me, though.”
In other words…I’m done, she said. What I deserve ought to be my decision and I’d chosen her. But as life has thrown me these curves since my wife of 39 years met her soul mate seven years ago, I have to figure out a way to understand and deal with my new reality. Because I am happy with who I am, for the most part, I will be able to do this. A good friend shared a poem with me about people being in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When I put what has happened with my different relationships in this context, I recognize that these people were in my life for a reason – to help me move onto the next phase of my life possibly, or a season – a period of time that could end because they weren’t meant to be with me for a lifetime. Sadly for me, I would have liked to have had more than one of them in my life for a lifetime, but never had control of the issue. I don’t think I ever will.
Having said all that, I am taking this opportunity to reclaim my body and get back to the training I was doing in preparation for the travels and road I will be walking in the future. Two days ago, I pulled my first double. I had ridden the bike 35 miles on Saturday and Sunday and my legs were feeling it. Monday I chose to hike 3 miles with my pack loaded to about 35 pounds, which I’ve been doing for three weeks, as a kind of ‘break’ day. On Tuesday, I rode 30 miles when I first got home, but then took Dakota, strapped on the pack, and did another 3-mile, hilly hike. I felt every step in my weary thighs as I climbed those hills.
Yesterday unfolded with a plan to meet John, who is also in a heightened state of training as we plan our summer climbs in the Adirondacks, to hike a longer, more difficult trail with packs strapped on. The weather, however, had different ideas. We had received another deluge during the afternoon hours and the trails would be extremely muddy and not particularly safe. It was raining when I got home, but a warm and gentle rain (though thunder was booming in the distance), so I laced up my running shoes and headed out for a ten-minute run. I need to start back slowly on running, but I have every intention of making myself a runner again. More on that later. As the rain fell and I splashed through the puddles on the Towpath, I felt invigorated. I also wanted to see how high the waters had gotten in the Cuyahoga River. So I did what I so often do…threw out caution and ended up running 20 minutes. I followed it with a two-mile hike in that same gentle, warm rain viewing a large female snapping turtle making her way to her nesting ground.
By the time John arrived, I was more than exhausted and we elected to go with a short hike to the Beaver Marsh in the Park and observe the flooding. It was prolific and awe-inspiring.
So there. I’m pushing myself. I have been inspired again by events in my life that saddened me and turned once more to my best antidote – exercise. I guess it could be ice cream and then I’d weight several hundred pounds, so I’m grateful I lean the way I do. Life happens. I’ll be fine.
Run: 20 minutes.
Hike: One hour.
Training Heart Rate: 150 running and 70-90 bpm hiking.
Calories Burned: 1000.
Bonus: 23,000 steps
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