Let's poop!!

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Oh joyous day!  Finally!  It was the day I was to drink things without color – no solid anything – and then take four dulcolax tablets at 2 p.m. followed by 64 ounces of Gatorade with a full bottle of Miralax dissolved in.  I went to Walgreens to pick up the concoction, but was dismayed to find the only way I could purchase the dulcolax was in a package of 10.  I stopped a clerk to help me find a smaller package.

“I only need four of these to shit my brains out and it comes with ten.  Do you have smaller packages?”
“Um…sorry sir…that’s the smallest,” he replied.

“Well, here’s my number.  If some other person comes by needing a colonoscopy, have them call me and I’ll sell them the remaining tablets,” I said.

He took my number reluctantly.  Hey…why waste the things?  I’m pretty sure I’m not going to want to use them again anytime soon.

I’d decided to get some things done before beginning the regimen and since we had about 2 inches of wet snow on the drive, figured I’d start by shoveling.  It was heavy and I broke a good sweat.  I moved inside and climbed aboard the trainer for a ride.  I was supposed to be drinking a glass of clear fluids every hour throughout the day and I was about to sweat two or three of them right back out.  I had my water bottle though, and figured I’d try to stay even.  Sixty minutes later and soaked in sweat, I’m pretty sure I’d failed.

I popped the four pills at two and then relaxed and listened to my stomach beginning to grumble.  Actually, it’s been grumbling pretty much non-stop for three weeks.  I checked my weight and found I was down around 10 pounds during that time, which is fine by me.  By four o’clock I still hadn’t needed to rush to the bathroom and so began stage two – drinking 8 ounces of Miralax-laced Gatorade every 10-15 minutes until it was gone.  Now, this may not sound like a big deal, but I assure you for a guy that won’t drink that much fluid in a week, downing it in under two hours is a challenge.  I gulped down my first glass and let out a loud belch.

Savannah was hosting family dinner because of my condition, but I’d thought I’d stop over and say ‘hello’ at least.  Dinner was at 5, but around 4:45 p.m., it began to happen.

I spent the rest of the night about twenty feet from the bathroom and lost count on my trips there when I passed the digits on my hands.  My stomach was still grumbling when I went to bed, hoping I’d wake up if the need to, you know.  

Bike duration:  60 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  120 bpm.

Calories burned during workout:  850.