"Hey...that plastic eagle just moved its head!"

Saturday, June 23, 2012
If you think you’re going to go to someone’s graduation at Quaker Steak and Lube and eat food that is Paleo, low in fat and calories and good for you, you’re delusional.  If you’ve read even one of my blogs, you know I have tendencies on the delusional spectrum, so I went and looked over the vegetable platter sitting next to the wings and onion rings and thought I’d give it a go.  After two tomatoes and a bunch of broccoli, I began to crumble.  Wings are small and so if I ate twenty or so, it’s not really a lot of food.  Onion rings are in that same category…at least that was what I told myself for my second helping.  At least I washed it down with diet Coke and said ‘no’ to the cake.  I don’t like cake.


I made it home in the late afternoon with the idea that I’d change out the tire I’d had newly mounted for the Jeep and then go for a long ride.  Only one of the lug nuts on the Jeep didn’t seem to know how important it was for me to ride.  After having the wrench slip off a couple of times and begin the process of stripping it, I decided a trip to Dan’s was my only safe bet.  I hated driving all the way to Chardon to remove a lug nut so I suggested that I bring the kayaks along and that we put them in Bass Lake, a small 160-acre lake at the end of his street.  He agreed and I headed out.


The lug nut was a mess, but he had the tools to deal with it.  He discovered a second that was the wrong size, so we drove to Auto Zone and purchased two new ones.  While waiting, I noticed their sales flier featuring a 2-ton hydraulic jack for $24.99.  For guys, having a 2-ton hydraulic jack is a kind of status symbol.  If you don’t have a truck with a gun rack, it’s a nice way of saying ‘I’m a manly man.  I jack up my vehicle and do all my own repairs, get grease on my hands, feet and clothes, and do stupid shit like walk in the house afterwards and get that grease in all the places it shouldn’t be.’  At least I think it does…so I bought it.


We returned to Dan’s, finished the Jeep and headed for the lake.  Dan informed me it was his maiden voyage in a kayak,though I’d have figured it out rather quickly as I watched him struggle to climb inside without turning it over…while still on land.  I decided he needed a demonstration from a pro.


“You get in the thing with a little water under you and then push your hands down on the bottom of the lake and lift your body and boat up and over…into the deeper water,” I said as I demonstrated the technique I used when I wanted to get in without getting my feet wet…which is everytime I kayak.


He followed my lead and was soon in the water.  I demonstrated good forward paddle technique and started off across the lake to look at the beautiful beach house on the island about a half mile away.  When I was half way there, I turned to see how Dan was doing…and didn’t see him.  A quick scan of the water found him off to the right, fighting with the seaweeds running along the shore.  He’d hardly moved. 


I paddled back noticing as I went that he had no clue how to keep the craft moving in the direction he wanted to go.  It dawned om me that there was a strong wind blowing and I was adjusting with every stroke to keep my kayak on course.  I do it as a matter of course and don’t think about it anymore.  Dan, on the other hand, needed to be giving it considerable thought…and soon.


“John…it won’t go straight,” he said as I approached.


“It’ll go straight if you had a clue,” I said. 


I like that I can do something he can’t and since so much of our interaction is over my vehicles, I’m always at a disadvantage.  I spent the next several minutes explaining the issue of the wind and how to compensate with different strokes.  He’s a clever guy and in short order he was beginning to travel in a direction that resembled the movement of a snake…but one that knew where it wanted to go.  I figured I’d leave him alone to learn the trade and paddled ahead to the island.  As I approached it, I noticed a large, plastic eagle perched on the rocks that protected the shore.  And then it moved.
Now…I almost never enter my kayak without my camera.  On this occasion, I’d decided not to bring it because what could I possibly see on Dan’s little lake worth photographing.  I sure was right about THAT decision.
I was no more than forty feet from this magnificent beast when it began to spread its wings.  It rose slowly and drifted towards a pavillion on the property, landing on its peak and offering me a spectacuar view of its beauty and grace.  It began making a strange chirping sound and looked to me as if to say ‘hell of a Kodak moment, shit for brains.’  To make matters more unbearable, its mate suddenly appeared in the sky over my kayak screeing wildly while being pursued by three or four smaller birds with a death wish.


I spent the rest of my time on the lake combing the shoreline to see if I could spot the nest, but without luck.  Dan…somewhere lost on the lake…saw them only from a distance.  He had the hang of paddling, in a primitive fashion, after an hour of fooling around and said he’d like to try again.


“Are you kidding?  I’ll be back with kayaks and camera.  That was the greatest eagle experience I’m likely to have,” I said. 


I’ll never paddle again without my camera.


Kayak Duration: 60 minutes.
Training Heart Rate: 90 bpm.
Calories burned during workout: 500.