"...to Herb and Deanne"

Sunday, December 27, 2015

“…and so let us raise our glasses in a toast to enduring love and friendship.  To Herb and Deanne!”

It was forty years after my Best Man, Herb Nelisse had served me in a similar capacity in my marriage to Holly.  He had come to me several weeks earlier and asked me to be his Best Man in his upcoming marriage and I had been honored to accept.  As the day approached and I had done nothing to assist in the preparations, including the lack of any kind of bachelor party, I called him to express my concerns.

“I don’t want a bachelor party, John, and there’s really nothing to do.  Just make sure I get there on time like I did for you and do a nice toast,” he’d said.

I worked on saying the right words and leaving all there with some trifle they might be able to use.  I had used as a theme the importance of enduring friendship, such as the one Herb and I shared which, despite at times years passing without contact, was always in full force.  And so yes, I finished what I thought was a very touching and appropriate toast by asking all guests present to raise their glasses to Herb and Deanne.  Except his new wife’s name wasn’t Deanne.  I was facing Herb as I said these final words and when he broke out laughing hysterically, I was a little surprised at the reaction.  In a microsecond of time, it occurred to me that most of the guests were laughing, as well.  And then - clarity!

It’s hard to hide when you’re in the middle of a room, holding a microphone in your hand, and all eyes are upon you.  I have super powers though, and I simply became invisible…or maybe I just tried.  Debbie, Herb’s new wife, was laughing as well, but I still had the presence of mind to search the room for the blade she would be using to cut the cake.  It was not in her hands, but how far away could it be?  I laughed too and told her I was sorry.  You know…oops…no big deal.  I did tell her that if I was ever to get married again, she could be my Best Man and say whatever she wanted in the toast that followed. 

I’d spent an hour on the trainer earlier that morning.  I had been thinking I’d stop at the farm to push up the manure pile on the way to the wedding since it was on the way, but had it pointed out to me that I wasn’t thinking too clearly…if at all…and that dressed in a suit should not be sitting on a New Holland tractor with a bucket full of manure raised high in the air and wind blowing horse shit all over me.  I suppose that made sense.

Bike duration:  60 minutes.

Training Heart Rate:  120 bpm.

Calories burned during workout:  850.