“First of all, cut out the skim milk. If it’s pasteurized and homogenized, it isn’t good. Only full-fat, raw – when it’s cultured or fermented, is it healthy. Not very practical, I know,” Bob said. Bob is Bob Iafelice and a long-time friend as well as the best nutritionist on the planet.
We were sitting in Kleifelds and I was eating my vegetable omelet and discussing my gut issues. He was formulating a dietary plan as I described my symptoms and I hadn’t wanted to hear that skim milk would be off the table. I leaned back, made the figure of a handgun with my thumb and finger, placed it under my chin, and pulled…
“Pow…gone. No point in living without milk with my meal,” I said in response.
“Well…if you do a lot of farting for a couple of hours after eating dairy, you’re lactose intolerant,” he said.
“Cripes, Bob, watch you’re language! This is a family place and I’m quite sensitive. Next you’ll be saying ‘shit’ or something worse! But anyways, I just fart all day long, so what does that mean?”
He looked at me and smiled. I had to say it. We discussed going gluten and lactose free for thirty days and then reintroducing lactose foods after two weeks. “You will have an immediate and strong reaction to the lactose if you are intolerant after two weeks without, “he said. “I think you have LOW stomach acid. If so, you would be burping a lot and be more prone to bacterial infections such as H. pylori and SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth). It’s common in your blood type (I’m A+). Stomach acid is a powerful digestive aid and also kills bugs. This is an area where there’s a huge rift between conventional and unconventional thinking. Most docs would say you have excess acid and then give you Prilosec (which is exactly what my doctor did). That helps in the short term, but makes things worse in the long. The truth is most people with your symptoms have low stomach acid.”
So…back to the ‘paleo diet’, which doesn’t really bother me except that there is an apple pie on the counter and ice cream in the freezer that will go to waste. I’ll have to find a home for my gallon of skim milk, too. Smoothies minus the yogurt, as well. I’ll probably lose some fat pounds too, which is more than okay.
I went home and got active. I extended the ladder twenty feet to the gutters and worked renailing them to the side of the soffit. Then I climbed on the roof and removed all the leaves from those same gutters. Back on the ground, I raked out the gardens and hauled the remaining leaves in the yard to the curb. I emptied crap from the shed and threw it away. The ‘Jesus people’, the name one of the kids gave to the Manger figures we used for the holidays, came out of the boxes and were placed strategically in front of the house. I caulked cracks and then moved inside to prepare the house for guests and family dinner night, which would amount to all the leftovers I hadn’t touched since Thanksgiving day…a sure sign I was off my ‘A’ game. The perfect eating machine…right Donnie?
I never did a formal workout, but there was plenty of activity. Tomorrow though, the diet begins in earnest and the workouts continue. Chiseled by the end of the holidays…
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