Friday,
January 18, 2013
Lance Armstrong was many things to me.
First, he was the guy that was “not about the bike”,
the man that had looked cancer in the eye and knew that death was knocking at
his door and by the grace of God, was given a second chance. He went back to the bike where he had
been one of the best and attacked the greatest, most difficult sporting event
on the planet, and won. There was
talk that the field he had beaten in his first Tour de France victory was not
the strongest as two of the favorites were serving doping suspensions and not
present. They would be back the
following year though, and they would should this brash, young American
‘miracle boy’ that winning the Tour would not be quite so easy with them in the
race. So, he came back the second
year with fire in his eyes and a passionate determination to show the world it
had not been a fluke. And he won
again…and I loved that guy and felt a pride like my own brother had just shown
them all.
And he kept on winning and like the title of his
second book stated, “made every second count”. And I loved that guy, too. There was talk of doping and cheating, but he kept passing
drug tests and saying things like “what am I on? I’m on the bike” and I watched videos and read about his
insane training style and how he left nothing to chance…looking at every angle,
testing improvements in his equipment, his riding position, the clothes he
wore, the things he ate, the way he trained and the way he raced. And I loved that guy, too, and it was
easy to point to all those things and say “that’s why he’s the best there’s
ever been” and I absolutely believed it.
And after seven straight Tour victories, I believed
he’d established a record that would never be broken in my lifetime and that
I’d always be able to say with pride that Lance would always be ‘the best’…and
for sure I loved that guy.
But 2012 rolled around and more and more people
were saying he cheated. People
like his teammates…people who would know.
When someone asked me what I thought, I’d say, “he passed every drug
test he ever took and he said he didn’t do it and that’s good enough for
me.” And it was until George
Hincapie, the rider that was his closest companion on the bike since he was 16,
the only man to ride with him in each of his seven Tour victories, admitted to
the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) that he’d used drugs and so had
Lance, that I began to have serious doubts.
And then he went on the air with Oprah and she
started out by asking him point-blank, yes or no questions like “did you use
EPO” and “were you doping in all seven of your Tour de France victories” and he
said that one word that I so didn’t want to hear and when he said it anyway, I
felt a knife stab in my gut that twisted and turned with every “yes” he
uttered.
From that point on, I heard but I wasn’t always
listening. I mean, whoever this
guy was with Oprah and whatever he was saying was all-wrong! It absolutely could not be about my
hero…the guy who had concurred cancer…who had held so many thousands of cancer
victims deal with their illness…who had written books I tried to live by…who
had trained beyond madness to beat all the odds and win the Tour de France
seven…freaking…times!! There was
no…freaking…way!!
I watched the remainder of that show and returned
the following night for ‘part two’ and more pain and suffering and then talked
it out with other people who care like I do and thought and pondered what it
all meant…to me. And I asked
myself that really important question…what’s the big deal…really? Because, let’s be honest. I don’t even know that guy and he
doesn’t know me. He wasn’t trying
to hurt me and I haven’t lost any credibility, money, fame or friends because
of it. All that’s true and in my
head I know it…but in my heart, it hurts.
A lot.
Ten years ago, when he’d already won the Tour three
times and I already had that serious ‘man crush’ thing working, I was with my
church youth group in Boston and walked past a shop window that was displaying
the ‘Livestrong’ wrist bands. I
went inside and bought one for everyone in the group and after a little talk
about Lance, what he meant to me and to so many people around the world
battling cancer, I gave them each one.
I put one on my own wrist and said I’d never take it off until he lost
the Tour. I’m still wearing that
same yellow band, but over the past couple of days I’ve asked myself why and
had every intention of cutting it off.
Something though kept me from doing that and I’m glad it did.
Oprah ended her interview with Lance by
asking the question, “what is the moral of this story?” Lance struggled with his answer…I think
he has too many issues to deal with to be able to yet sum it up, but Oprah
offered a suggestion and it was “the truth will set you free.” I didn’t see that then and I don’t see
it now, but as I pondered the question, I believe I reached my own moral and
decided that I will continue to wear that ‘Livestrong’ band as long as I live
and here’s why.
I have to say as many others have, that I can
understand and overlook/forgive…though he doesn’t need my forgiveness…the blood
doping and drug use. I believe
that he truly felt all his competitors were doing and using the same methods to
beat him and that the only chance he had to level the playing field was to use
them, too. I’m not condoning
cheating…nor is he at this point, but I understand nonetheless. I can even understand lying to cover it
up afterwards…he’d gone too high, the story was too big, and it had all gone too far to let it all come undone…but I
cannot overlook the way he treated and attacked people who were unwilling to
cover for him and were telling the truth about his cheating. He says he knows how wrong that was and
that he intends to spend the rest of his life trying to right that wrong…and I
believe him.
I remember well a lesson from the bible when Jesus
says to a crowd that had gathered to stone a woman to death, “the one amongst you who is without sin, let him cast the first
stone.” I remember it, but I don’t
always live it. I tend to lose sight of the fact that I have secrets, too, that I’ve done things I’m not proud of; things I knew were wrong and I’m
guessing I’ll do some more before it’s all said and done. And I suppose the measure of a man is
not whether or not he’s ever done anything wrong, but what he does to make
amends after he’s screwed up.
Yes…I’ll continue to wear that band because it…and Lance…will continue
to inspire me to try to be a better human being.
I know you’ll never see these words, Lance, but I
would like you to know that you will be in my prayers as you walk the rocky,
rutted path I think you’re walking now in an effort to make things right. I thought once you were something other
than human, but you’re not. You’re
just like me and you can make mistakes and you can deal with the consequences…honorably…too. I hope the best for you on this journey
for it is the journey of life that we all must take. It is a journey that is all the better when we have such
trying challenges to face because, in the end, they give us the chance to make
ourselves better people and to truly ‘live strong’.
Hike duration:
60 minutes.
Training
Heart Rate: 80 bpm.
Calories
burned during workout: 350.
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